Cheerleading Scots? Gimme a b-r-e-a-k
FIONA MCCADE

GIMME an S! Gimme a T! Gimme a U! Gimme a P! Gimme an I! Gimme a D! Whaddaya got? The most polite way I can express my opinion of cheerleading.

I suppose I could have spelled out "inane", but any cheerleaders reading this would probably have just rubbed their pretty little heads and turned back to their copy of Heat, and I really want them to stick around a while longer.

This freaky show of pompons and prancing is right up there with stretch limos and the high-school prom as the sort of moronic Americana that should have been torpedoed in mid-Atlantic long before it ever reached our shores.

Cheerleading is just about bearable at sporting events, so long as you take the appearance of the miniature Stepford Wives as a cue to brave the queue for the toilets, but the recent news that Labour Party strategists hope to introduce it into Scottish schools as a serious part of the physical education curriculum makes me want to take the First Minister firmly by the manifesto and place a pompon where the sun never shines.

Do we really have so little pride in our young women that this is the best choice of physical activity we can offer them during the weekly games period? Cheerleading has only one message for young girls - you're the supporting act. Keep smiling; keep jiggling; but always know your place. And that's on the sidelines.

Boys, if you have the talent, you can become real sports stars. Girls, if you have the figure, you can bounce up and down in the vicinity of the boys who are becoming sports stars. You can support, praise, spell simple words, even shine a little in your teensy, tiny skirt, but you can't compete. After the game, if you're lucky, you can go home with the man of the match, get your kit off and wash his.

If girls are told at school - at an impressionable age - that this is all they can be, what hope is there for their self-esteem, and any ambitions they may have to make something of themselves? Cheerleading is so passive, so frothily feminine and so utterly pointless. (If the team's any good, we'll cheer anyway, won't we?) By its very nature it's a secondary concern; a diversion. It can never be the main event.

We should be helping our girls to aim high and attempt activities at which they can personally excel, maybe even ones that could bring some form of public accolade. Where would Paula Radcliffe be today if her school had suggested she concentrate her energies on leading the cheers for the lads?

The Labour officials suggesting this madness argue that cheerleading teaches team spirit, but so do hockey, basketball and any number of sports in which a team can actually achieve a result together. Heck, kids can even win at these games, if that isn't too taboo a concept. They also argue that it's athletic - so let the lasses run, or be gymnasts. And girls, if you don't like sport - and I hated it - then why not take up a dance class instead? But dance for yourself, on your own terms. There's no need to do it in a buttock-skimming skirt.

OK, so cheerleading is a way to keep fit, but then so is lap dancing. Or mud wrestling. Everybody understands Scotland has problems with childhood obesity - and it might seem that anything which encourages kids to do more than stagger between the fridge and the telly is worth trying - but cheerleading should still be way down our list of options.

Anyway, as I understand it, you have to be pretty thin to be a cheerleader in the first place. Cheerleading is inherently elitist and appearance matters more than mere fitness. Watch any movie where the action is based in an American high-school movie and you'll see that, while Cheerleading may take a fairly passive role on the pitch, it represents the ultimate in social competitiveness. The girls who get picked for the pompon squad are always the slimmest and most attractive, so I don't see how this will help the 63 per cent of Scottish 12-year-olds who are overweight. Still, I suppose they could be forced in to rehearsing their routines in a darkened room until they hit the size eight mark.

When it comes to physical education, there are so many alternatives, so why is cheerleading suddenly the flavour of the month? Well, apparently, the New Labour mandarins reckon it'll be a vote-winner. And perhaps it will be, among gentlemen who enjoy watching schoolgirls leaping about in skimpy outfits, but I doubt the public will forget Iraq, Prescott and murderers running amok and think: "Hmm, cheerleading - what an excellent suggestion!" as they mark an "X" on their ballot slips.

There really is only one way to get through to these people. So, Labour, will this offensive idea make me vote for you? Gimme an N... gimme an O.

No cheer for the old routines: Fiona McCade is tired of seeing young women make exhibits of themselves to bolster the egos of adrenline addled young men. Picture: Sean Bell

Source: http://living.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=686722006

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